Tickets are ON SALE NOW for added shows in Portland, Calgary and Sacramento!!! This tour has been unlike anything else. Limited tickets left for upcoming shows at #RealityCheckTour #ComedicRockStarShit

Tickets are ON SALE NOW for added shows in Portland, Calgary and Sacramento!!! This tour has been unlike anything else. Limited tickets left for upcoming shows at #RealityCheckTour #ComedicRockStarShit
The Onion
@TheOnion
Man Who Shot Iraqi Civilian To Death In Front Of Family Given 10% Discount On Popcorn
Man Who Shot Iraqi Civilian To Death In Front Of Family Given 10% Discount On Popcorn
If you never show gratitude, then you'll never become the recipient of grace.
What makes you happy?
Some of the best guys I know 🤍 @tryguys
Some of the best guys I know 🤍 @tryguys
If in school they would implement a dream building course where you only discuss their dreams, it would save a lot of trouble.
The Onion
@TheOnion
Moon Dead At 29
Moon Dead At 29
This will change nothing. The whole MAGA mindset is, “I make the rules, I don’t have to follow them. I FLAUNT not following them.” It’s a status/power thing with these broken people and it will only make his supporters love him more.
The Onion
@TheOnion
Seasonal Depression To Take Over For Chronic Depression For A Few Months
Seasonal Depression To Take Over For Chronic Depression For A Few Months
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing
I broke my foot and ankle 8 months ago and today I got a cramp in my thumb writing this Tweet.
YES THIS HAPPENED!

Thank you @StevieNicks
When you’re over 25 and you stand up too fast
When you’re over 25 and you stand up too fast
He could have paid for this abortion TODAY, then turned around & said he's pro-life no exceptions and wouldn't miss a beat (or lose a vote). It is about power and privilege with the MAGA cult. "Hypocrisy" is something the powerless have to deal with.
This is murder!

By lifewithkleekai | IG
I don't fit in. And I don't want to fit in.
What are you waiting for? God has a great life for you but you have to get yourself in a position to receive it.
The Onion
@TheOnion
Report: Average American Must Have Life Ruined By Natural Disaster Every 6 Minutes To Fear Climate Change
Report: Average American Must Have Life Ruined By Natural Disaster Every 6 Minutes To Fear Climate Change
tactical meowster

by outdoorbengal | IG
#message 😂 @Akbar_Gbaja @TheTalkCBS
The Onion
@TheOnion
McDonald’s Testing New Self-Ordering Kiosk That Cries When Customers Yell At It
McDonald’s Testing New Self-Ordering Kiosk That Cries When Customers Yell At It
I ate groot. @JamesGunn
I ate groot. @JamesGunn
The Onion
@TheOnion
Experts Say Puerto Rico Still Extremely Vulnerable To Future U.S. Government
Experts Say Puerto Rico Still Extremely Vulnerable To Future U.S. Government
The Onion
@TheOnion
Black Student Breaks Dress Code By Having Hair
Black Student Breaks Dress Code By Having Hair
The Onion
@TheOnion
Florida Republicans Vote Against Hurricane Relief #WhatDoYouThink?
Florida Republicans Vote Against Hurricane Relief #WhatDoYouThink?
i've been informed that Billion Dollar Movie is now on @hbomax #Dobis
For every hour I spend with someone, I have to spend 72 hours alone
It will be covered anyway

✍🏻 @banalhemorrhage
It will be covered anyway

✍🏻 @banalhemorrhage
1. Going to bed early
2. Not leaving my house
3. Not going to a party

My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
Congratulations to Velma.
User ranking
astrophysicist
My name is Kevin Hart and I WORK HARD!!! That pretty much sums me up!!! Everybody Wants To Be Famous But Nobody Wants To Do The Work
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
daniel tosh
daniel tosh @danieltosh 24M Followers
not a doctor
Evie’s husband
Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey @JimCarrey 19M Followers
The ONLY official social media account for Actor Author and Artist Jim Carrey!
Building @MEMELAND one meme at a time • 📧 [email protected] • CEO ➡️ @9gagceo
The Official Twitter Page of Seth MacFarlane - “The Orville: New Horizons” coming to Hulu June 2, 2022!
Funny Or Die
Funny Or Die @funnyordie 13M Followers
We love to make you laugh.
we're on a planet in outer space. (((she/her)))
new money
The Onion
The Onion @TheOnion 12M Followers
America's Finest News Source.
Now touring - on and off - with Marty Short.
Thoughts from the shower. Usually taken from /r/showerthoughts. #parody Contact: [email protected] or on Insta-iamkritverma / DM's OPEN
Sorry, I can’t go out! I’m busy laying in my bed with my phone 😅 Follow me if you’re an introvert 💜 (Memes Parody Account) Business DM me ✉️
You know... the weird one.
New @Netflix special WE ALL SCREAM now streaming!!!MINOR THREATS from @DarkHorse out now! I like making stuff. IG: pattonoswalt
Just another luminous spiritual being having a beautiful and difficult human experience.
Global philanthropists, investor and award winning entertainer. “The more people you help become successful the more successful you become. “
Is This Anything? On Sale Now
Chronicling your wild lives, one text at a time ••• Email [email protected] for rates / collab / whatevah
Dane Cook
Dane Cook @DaneCook 3M Followers
When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
Male Model. COMEDY MONSTER on Netflix. Touring with all new material on THE FUN TOUR. My first wife is @jeanniegaffigan.
Men's Humor
Men's Humor @MensHumor 3M Followers
Humor Tailored for Men. Submit: [email protected] IG: https://t.co/gLpO60o1D1
This is the real, official David Spade. Any other accounts are fake.
KING OF POP CULTURE, Founder of @DTPfoundation, 2x People’s Choice Award Winner 🍕Plays Monchi in @mitchellsmovie! New book out this Fall.
Star/co-writer of the new comedy BROS! Only in THEATERS Sept 30! BUY YOUR TICKETS RIGHT NOW: https://t.co/h7dqCI7q1p
PRESSALIKE. More alike than not. [email protected]